the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
