Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
