I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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