i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
