About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
