Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
