I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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