I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
