yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
