Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
