so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
