is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
