He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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