I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
