She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
