So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
