I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
