People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
