I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
