Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
