I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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