so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
