Fuck appropriateness.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
