Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
