i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
