If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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