Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
