She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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