I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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