I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
