theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
