also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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