I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
