you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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