I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
