I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
