i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
