should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
