My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
