I faked an abortion last night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
