If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
