She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
