its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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