i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
