I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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