how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I came so hard my ears popped.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
