i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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