im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
