I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My balls are so social today.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
