your thong is hanging out like whoa
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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