i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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