anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
