Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
