dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
