happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
